What wold Zack Morris do if he were here today? He (with Screech as his underpaid chemist) would concoct and bottle a drink that contained high amounts of alcohol and caffeine and had a fruity taste, then sell it to the students of Bayside. Zack would bask in his riches until a bunch of losers who couldn’t handle their booze got sick and ruined the prom, prompting Mr. Belding to ban the drink. Plot holes aside, everyone would learn a valuable lesson.
Four Loko, the caffeinated, alcoholic potion of fun that received free advertising in the form of news articles warning of its dangers–it’s HIGHLY ALCOHOLIC, ENERGIZING and CHEAP (other than “gets you laid,” what could possibly make it more appealing to college students than those words? We’re talking about a class of people that will go to any event that has free food and will drink highlighter fluid if it’s in a liquor bottle*)–is being pulled from shelves and the company is agreeing to take the caffeine out. Similar drinks such as Joose are also feeling the effects, at least here in Connecticut as my buddy Steve and I found out earlier tonight when we asked a package store clerk about it.
Harmful products should be regulated. Liquor already is a highly-regulated industry so if something that both gets people really drunk and energetic and is marketed on that concept (Four Loko wasn’t going for a sip and enjoy kind of image) should be banned or at least controlled better than it was. If not, why regulate anything? Then again, would it be different if these drinks were addictive and caused cancer with fifty years of medical research to prove it? What if these drinks were taxed heavily?
With Four Loko and similar products on the way off shelves, you can still get your kicks from the original alcoholic energy drink, Buzz Beer, which the Drew Carey Show invented more than ten years ago.